Why Practice Mindfulness?

The average person spends most of the day multi-tasking to the point where they are resentful, forgetful, and exhausted. Task after task makes the days seem to go by without meaning and the months without memory. Often, individuals spend so much time operating on auto-pilot, they literally miss out on life. They are unable to remember what the year, month, or even day before was about. Individuals can remember achieving goals or accomplishing tasks, but the journey of it all is lost in a void of multitasking. Ultimately this results in the loss of a sense of purpose, sadness, loneliness, depression, anxiety, and chronic stress which leads to physical disorders. Although the brain is complex, it requires regular maintenance in order to operate at its full capacity. Mindfulness is likened to closing the apps running in the background on a smart phone in order to increase speed and performance. Slowing down and living in the moment can actually improve the function of the mind, body, and overall life experience (Albeinz & Holmes, 2000).

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness is originally from Buddhist psychology meaning “awareness” or “bare attention” (Albeinz & Holmes, 2000). In Western psychology, it is an “adjustment in awareness” where feelings and patterns of thought are promoted through deliberate verbal reflection, as in ‘now I am doing x, now I am feeling y’ (Brown & Ryan, 2003). In therapy, the psychologist or therapist acts as a coach who teaches people how to venture into their unexperienced or forgotten feelings. Techniques of Mindfulness Although beginners would likely benefit most from therapy with a clinician who practices mindfulness, anyone can begin mindfulness in an informal manner. Mindfulness techniques can be adapted as informal or formal (Brown & Ryan, 2003).

Informal (Albeinz & Holmes, 2000)

• Mindful reading

• Mindful meditations (i.e. 3 minute breathing)

• Structured self-help exercises

• Mindful activity (mindful eating, cleaning, driving, etc)

Formal (Albeinz & Holmes, 2000)

• Movement meditations (walking meditation, mindful and yoga stretches)

• Sitting meditations (attending to breathing, body sensations, sounds, thoughts, etc)

• Group exchange (led exercises, guided discussion of experience)

Nine essential qualities of mindfulness (Mace, 2006a):

1) Focusing on the present moment is when you find yourself mindlessly thinking about the past or future, but bring your thoughts back to the current moment and the current reality

2) Being fully present occurs when your mind and your physical body is aware of what you are experiencing in the present moment and engaging your five senses; what you are seeing, hearing, doing, feeling, and even tasting

3) Openness to experience happens when you pay attention to your feelings and you are curious about any thoughts that naturally arise. During the process, you become aware of your experience and watch how they change over time

4) Non-judgment is described as when you refrain from labeling your thoughts as good or bad. It is when you accept the thoughts, because in reality all feelings and thoughts are valid. All feelings have a purpose. Non-judgment helps you extend the non-judging attitude to other people and things

5) Acceptance of things as they are occurs when you don’t try to force or change reality. This quality involves one’s ability to see reality clearly as it is knowing that you can tolerate whatever is to come. Pain is necessary but suffering is unnatural

6) Connection occurs when an individual makes a conscious effort to be connected to meaningful things such as nature, people, sounds, and overall visual stimulation. The final step of connection is to reflect on gratefulness and gratitude

7) Non-attachment happens through allowing things, people, and experiences to be in a constant flow. Attachment comes from fear and is the basis of suffering. This is the ability to learn to gracefully surf the waves of life by going with the flow and by being confident in the ability to adapt. When one door closes, another opens

8) Peace and Equanimity is the quality of mindfulness that allows one to maintain an even keel without being swept up into the highs and lows of life. It is similar to the thought of emotions being like the waves in the sea, sometimes calm, sometimes turbulent, but always changing and always in motion

9) Compassion is not only being gentle and kind with others, it is described as being gentle and kind to yourself without being judging or condemning and by having an open heart and an open mind

Brain Changes Related to Mindfulness

The Harvard Business Review (Davidson, et al, 2003) contributed to a study from the University of British Columbia and the Chemnitz University of Technology in which they found consistent data related to how mindfulness changes the brain. In the study, several regions of the brain showed significant change; however, the most profound change occurred in two regions, the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and the hippocampus (Davidson, et al, 2003). The ACC is located behind the frontal lobe, the area of the brain responsible for purposeful actions, decision making, attention, and behavior. The ACC is also particularly important when facing fast-changing conditions. When there is damage to the ACC, it results in impulsivity, unchecked aggression, ineffective problem solving, and repeated difficulties with behavioral change. Study participants who were “meditators” or who actively practiced mindfulness showed more activity in the anterior cingulate cortex than those who were non-meditators (Davidson, et al, 2003). The hippocampus is located deep inside of the temple on each side of the brain and is a part of the limbic system, which is associated with emotion and memory and loosely associated with resilience. The hippocampus is covered in receptors for the stress hormone cortisol, which explains why stress can contribute to forgetfulness or memory loss. People with stress-related disorders like depression and PTSD tend to have a smaller hippocampus. Study participants who practiced mindfulness showed increased amounts of gray matter (which signifies activity, processing, and use of the area) in the hippocampus. This is significant because it demonstrates that there is a way to keep the brain healthy, to support self-regulation and effective decision-making capabilities, and to protect the brain from toxic stress, which can be deadly, as toxic stress is directly related to heart disease and other chronic illness (Reibel, et al, 2001).

The Benefit of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is useful for many problems. Current cognitive behavioral interventions using mindfulness focus on the following issues: Mood (anxiety, depression), Intrusions (ruminations, racing thoughts, memories), behaviors (bingeing, addiction, self-harm, violence), problems of relating (attitudes, empathy), or problems of self (self-consciousness, self-hatred) (Mace, 2006a). Studies have shown that when people don’t spend enough time in the moment there is an increase in depression and anxiety. Mindfulness has been shown to improve decision-making. Behavioral psychology explores the phenomenon called sunk-cost bias which essentially explains why individuals have such a difficult time letting go (Brown & Ryan, 2003). For example, people may hold on to stocks too long, or remain in a failing relationship for too long. Another example is if someone orders an expensive meal, is full half-way through the meal, but the person continues to eat due to an underlying problem of letting go. Sunk cost bias is present in so many areas of dysfunction such as obesity, compulsive-hoarding, poor interpersonal relationships, and dead-end careers; however, mindfulness can alleviate these issues. Mindfulness meditation can increase resistance to sunk-cost bias. First, meditation reduces how much people focus on the past and the future and leads to less negative emotion. Then the reduced negative emotion facilitates the ability to let go of sunk costs (Brown &Ryan, 2003). This translates into an overall improved quality of life.

Summary

Living in the moment is necessary in order to appreciate life. It requires acceptance of things as they are, non-judgmentally. It means appreciating the small things and appreciating life’s reality without missing out on what is occurring in the present by wondering what could be or what might be. Mindfulness means being present and actively participating in life. A brief period of mindfulness meditation cultivates awareness of the present moment and helps counteract deeply-rooted bias and/or habits (Albeinz & Holmes, 2000). There is power in the practice of mindfulness.

References

Albeinz, A. & Holmes, J. (2000) Meditation: concepts, effects, and uses in therapy. International Journal of Psychotherapy, 49-58.

Brown, K. & Ryan, R. (2003) The benefits of being present: mindfulness and its role in psychological well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 84, 822-848.

Davidson, R. J., Kabat-Zinn, J., Schumacher, J., et al (2003) Alterations in the brain and immune function produced by mindfulness meditation. Psychosomatic Medicine, 65, 564-570.

Mace, C. (2006a) Long-term impacts of mindfulness practice on wellbeing: new findings from qualitative research. In Dimensions of Well-being. Research and Intervention (ed. A. Delle Fave), pp. 455-469. Franco Angeli.

Reibel, D. K., Greeson, J. M., Brainard, G. C., et al (2001) Mindfulness-based stress reduction and health-related quality of life in a heterogeneous population. General Hospital Psychiatry, 23, 183-192.

Moviegoers of all ages can thank Disney’s Pixar Studios for brightening the summer of 2015 with a remarkable film, “Inside Out”.  This PG-rated movie not only entertains and inspires, but also offers a fantastical but profoundly useful animation of how our feelings call the shots as our minds make meaning of our lives. Who knew that basic psychological principles could be taught by animating five major emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear?

Motivated by observations of his own daughter, director and co-story writer Pete Docter set out to create a movie that could show how the mind of 11-year old “Riley” works. (Gaughan) He and the production team took five years from his first inspiration to the film’s debut, gathering information from neurologists, psychotherapists, and various other specialists. His goal was to create images and a story line that capture the dynamics of the human mind in a way that people of all ages could grasp and identify with.

For this to happen, the movie needs two things happening simultaneously: (1) a narrative about the people who are the subjects of the movie, and (2) a way to personify the different parts of the brain of the main character.

Imagining Emotions As Personified Creatures

The movie opens with the newborn infant Riley peering through her confused and blinking eyes to see her parents smiling back at her as they welcome her into the world. Soon a very different perspective on things emerges as the scene shifts to the brilliantly imagined inner workings of Riley’s mind. Whenever Riley is having a significant experience, there is work to be done by Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear, because they are charged with determining how Riley will register what has happened in terms of the emotions she feels at the time.

Each of these five emotions is lobbying for its own influence at the console panel in the brain’s control tower. (For simplicity’s sake, the number of emotions is limited to five.) The five emotions argue about what influence needs to be imparted to Riley when something happens to her. For example, star-shaped Joy is endlessly cheerful and optimistic, and wants Riley to have one happy moment after another. Joyful experiences for Riley cause the creation of happy memories, which are visually retained in glowing yellow balls that are then sent off to one of the memory storage areas on long tracks representing neural pathways.

Sadness is a despondent, self-critical blue blob filled with guilt and shame. Joy tries to keep Sadness from touching the memory balls, for fear of trouble if positive emotions are not privileged. Sad experiences for Riley cause painful memories to be located in glowing blue bowling balls headed for storage.

Anger is like a red fireplug who is on the alert for anything that could be used to set off his explosions of rage. He is watching for experiences that he thinks require Riley to get mad, in which case a red bowling ball is designated to hold the memory.

Disgust, who looks a lot like a piece of broccoli, has a lesser role, generally one of finding fault, disappointment, and revulsion. Finally, Fear is shaped like a giant white question mark, wiggling his way around in a constant effort to find something worth worrying about.

Truly key memories/glowing balls can become core memories, which are used to build Personality Islands for Riley, which resemble amusement parks in the landscape of her mind. The Personality Islands for Riley represent collections of strong memories over the years in her five most important themes: family, friendship, honesty, being a goofball, and hockey.

Change Brings Conflict

Riley’s life is thrown for a giant loop when her father accepts a position at a start-up company in San Francisco, necessitating a move for the family from their settled existence in Minnesota. The adjustment to an urban world with no friends causes major trouble for Riley and for the team of emotions arguing over the console in the mental control tower. Her parents are beside themselves with worry when their normal strategy of just looking on the bright side utterly fails them.

Much of the action in the film covers the desperate efforts of Joy and Sadness to prevent letting some important joyful memories be tossed into the Abyss, now that Riley was experiencing sadness at missing her friends from Minnesota. Their harrowing adventures in the realms of Abstract Thought, Imagination Land, crumbling Personality islands, and Long Term Memory bring them to the brink of disaster time after time. But with the help of Riley’s long forgotten imaginary friend Bing Bong, Joy and Sadness come to the realization that in fact all the emotions are essential for making meaning of Riley’s life.

Mark Mohan, who writes for the Oregonian, put it well:  “A big part of the emotional impact of “Inside Out” come from its recognition that growing up means losing access to some of our best and perfect memories, and learning the meaning of bittersweet.”(Mohan)

Riley’s family gets in trouble when they fail to realize that all their emotions are essential for responding to the challenges of their move to California. It just doesn’t work to simply try to keep your chin up when the moving van has gotten lost, Dad’s job is not a sure thing, the new house pales in comparison to the one left behind in Minnesota, and you are the new kid in school and don’t know where to sit for lunch.

Powerful Psychological Message

Anyone who sees this film will have an increased appreciation for the value of noticing and appreciating one’s own conflicting emotions. Psychologists might say that this is the measure of good mental health: to place value on all of one’s feelings, and to manage them as a complex team. Joy is the leader of the emotions in Inside Out, but she learns that to truly help Riley negotiate life, she needs to be influenced as well by Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear. One of the most powerful moments in the movie is when a very frustrated Riley yells at her parents, “Stop saying everything will be alright!”

As the movie ends and the credits role, the viewer is treated to a quick view inside the minds of all the characters in the movie. They each have their own versions of Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust, and Fear at the consoles in their own control towers of the mind. And so do we all.

References

Gaughan, K. “Inside Out With Director Pete Docter and Producer Jonas Rivera”, retrieved from http://kidstvmovies.about.com, 2015

Mohan, M., special to The Oregonian, June 17, 2015.

There’s a new video and Twitter hashtag trending on the internet titled “You Look Disgusting(1).” In it, former model and blogger Em Ford shows herself with and without makeup.  Without the makeup her severe acne is visible.  With the makeup, she has the face of a china doll; perfect and unblemished.  She shows herself as she goes through the many steps and products involved in achieving her penultimate, flawless look.  Ford made the video after posting photos of herself without makeup and receiving over 100,000 comments ranging from admiring to abusive.  “I can’t even look at you,” and, “You’re disgusting,” were examples of the harsh commentary.  Photos of her with makeup on prompted positive feedback like, “amazing,” “gorgeous,” and “beautiful,” although there were also criticisms of Ford with her makeup on;  “You are so ugly.  That’s why you wear makeup,” and, “This is misleading.”  Evidently, Ford could not find a look that was uncontroversial.

The amount and intensity of the public response to photos of a young not-very famous woman and her decision to post photos of herself with and without make-up is interesting.  It highlights a well-known fact; people write things on social media they would be unlikely to say directly to someone they know. 

There are multiple reasons for this and one can look at the phenomena from a variety of perspectives.  There have been many articles written about internet “bullying” and that term is not incorrect, although it may not be very helpful, dividing people as it does into bullies and victims. (People can bully others and be bullied themselves at different times.) 

Family Systems Theory provides a particular framework for understanding such harsh rhetoric directed at strangers and/or posted anonymously. 

1. Emotional symbiosis. Symbiosis is a word adopted from biology and used by family researcher Murray Bowen(2). Symbiosis refers to the state of two  organisms living for each other to the benefit of one or both.  A parent and infant may be said to have a symbiotic relationship.  This relationship is ideally meant to evolve from an intense symbiosis to a less intense togetherness over time as the infant develops and grows away from the parent.  However, the growing apart process is more challenging for some families than others.  Some families put more pressure on members to conform and to remain at a level of symbiosis that was most comfortable for everyone involved (All family members participate in the symbiosis.) 

What does symbiosis have to do with social media harassment?  Plenty.  When people grow up in families where there is strong pressure to conform, individual differences are discouraged.  Clues about a “symbiotic” family may be revealed in statements like, “In our family we all vote Democratic,” or “In our family we value being together above everything else,” or “We don’t trust outsiders in our family.”  Symbiotic forces can play out in less obvious ways as well.  They can also show up in behavior outside the family.

The concept of symbiosis provides one window into the mind of someone who would be critical and disparaging of a person who presents herself in a way that is different and threatening to the way the viewer would present him/herself.

2. Emotional fusion.  Fusion is also a term adopted by Bowen from biology.  It refers to an emotional stuck-togetherness or sensitivity between family members.  Families in general and individual members of families differ in their degrees of emotional sensitivity to one another.  Examples of emotional fusion include: 

• Dad comes home from work in a bad mood.  He slams the front door and everyone inside tenses up.  Before long, the kids start arguing amongst themselves.  Dad yells at them for driving him crazy.

• A daughter is worried about a math test the next day.  Her mother can’t sleep that night.

• A couple is arguing about finances.  Their young son comes into the room complaining he has a stomach ache. 

Not everyone is equally pulled by the emotional forces around them.  Some people have an increased ability to “hold onto themselves” despite the emotional pressures.  They may register the emotionality, but it doesn’t control them.  These people have more ability to use their free will in responding to emotionally charged situations and they may have more flexibility and resiliency in life overall.

The amount of fusion in the family varies depending on the multi-generational history of the family as well the amount of anxiety present in the family at a given point in time.  The higher the level of fusion, the greater the level of interpersonal sensitivity. 

It is logical that a person who is sensitive enough to Ford’s photos to post an internet rant about them is also a person who comes from an environment with a higher degree of emotional fusion.

3. Transfer of Anxiety:  There are two types of anxiety described in Family Systems Theory; acute and chronic.  Acute anxiety refers to a person’s reaction to a real-life or perceived stressor with activation of the body’s fight/flight/freeze response.  The reaction is typically intense and relatively short-lived, with the body returning to its baseline level of functioning as the stressor recedes. 

Unlike acute anxiety, as its name implies, chronic anxiety exists over time.  Additionally, chronic anxiety is more than one person’s reaction to an event; it is embedded in the relationship system of the person.  Like acute anxiety, chronic anxiety also activates the body’s fight/flight/freeze response, but the relationship sensitivity that drives it may keep the person, or the family system, from returning to a relaxed state some, most, or all of the time.

It is thought that chronic anxiety, which is the same as the body’s inflammatory response, “turns on” and influences the course of most, if not all, disease processes of the mind and body(3).  An individual may or may not be aware of the amount of chronic anxiety he carries.  This level also rises and lowers over time depending on the acute stressors being faced by the family and “passed around” in the emotional fusion. 

Whether or not one is consciously aware of the anxiety, it is uncomfortable, and humans use many mechanisms for trying to relieve it.  The mechanism that is relevant here is the “transfer of anxiety,” from one person to another. 

Some, maybe all, of the people who take the time and energy to write strongly worded, negative and insulting comments to a complete stranger are theoretically attempting to transfer their anxiety to that person.  The act of writing may provide some short-lived relief, or a brief sense of accomplishment.  “I got it off my chest,” “I set her straight,” “I didn’t let her get away with that crap,” might be some of the thoughts going along with such an action.  But in reality what they’ve done is reacted to the anxiety within themselves by trying to dump it into someone else.  In this case, Ford’s photos appear to have stimulated the anxiety of some viewers, prompting them to act out against her.

All of us are vulnerable to engaging in the transfer of anxiety and it is worth heightening one’s awareness to see how one participates in this very human, yet often quite destructive, behavior.  (Plenty of clichés are employed to describe the phenomena; kick the dog, s**t rolls downhill, kiss up/kick down, etc.)

There are many ways to think about hostile expression on the internet.  Sociology, gender studies, cultural models and others have their place.  What Family Systems Theory offers is a science of human behavior that cuts across culture, time and gender.  Family Systems Theory seeks to explain behavior like the hostile reactions to Em Ford’s photographs.  It also attempts to predict behavior and to enable us to alter our reactions in more positive ways:

“Systems theory cannot remake that which nature created, but through learning how the organism operates, controlling anxiety, and learning to better adapt to the fortunes and misfortunes of life, it can give nature a better chance.” P.409 MB, FTCP

References

1.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWTRwj9t-vU

2.   Bowen, M, 1978, Family Therapy in Clinical Practice, Oxford, UK, Jason Aronson

3.   http://www.thefsi.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Interview-With-Michael-Kerr-2007.pdf

Monday September 14, 14 year-old Ahmed Mohamed was arrested when school administrators and local police suspected him of having brought a bomb to school.Ahmed maintained that his device was a clock that he had built in a briefcase and brought to school to show his engineering teacher.  After being handcuffed and interrogated without the presence of his parents on suspicion of having a “hoax bomb,” he was eventually released but given a three day suspension from school.  (Cooper, 2015)

There are many potentially inflammatory aspects to this story: bigotry, racial profiling, mass hysteria, and violation of the rights of a minor.(Cooper, 2015) Some of these interpretations can be proven but others are speculative.   Family Systems Theory provides a unique conceptual framework with which to view Mohamed’s story in an attempt to move toward an objective explanation of events.    

Emotional Reactivity

"Emotional reactiveness in a family or other group that lives and works together goes from one family member to another in a chain reaction pattern.The total pattern is similar to electronic circuits in which each person is "wired" or connected by radio to all the other people with whom he has relationships. Each person then becomes a nodalpoint or an electronic center through which impulses pass in rapid succession, or even multiple impulses at the same time...." (Bowen 1978, pp. 420—422)

In the above quote, family researcher Murray Bowen, M.D., attempted to explain the way emotions become contagious in a family or group.  It has been pointed out that if, indeed, Ahmed was suspected of bringing a bomb to school, the response should have been to clear the school and call in a bomb squad.  This is not what happened.  It is imaginable that school and law enforcement personnel may have gotten caught up in an emotional reactivity that interfered with logical reasoning.  Ahmed himself would have been part of the emotional contagion as it was observed that he wasn’t forthcoming with information to the police.  (Owens, 2015) (There are details of the case that are not discussed here. The point is to use available information to illustrate principles of Systems Theory and not to assign blame to any individual or group.)

Why do Individuals and Families Turn Out Differently?

Bowen developed his theory as an attempt to explain the variability in human functioning.  He wanted to answer the question:  Why do individuals and families turn out so differently?  Some people are beset with physical, emotional, or social problems throughout their lives.  Some people go through bad episodes but recover.  Other people live lives that are largely problem free, or they seem to exhibit a great deal of resiliency when they experience normal life problems like the death of a family member, loss of a job, etc.  There is even great variation in the functioning levels of siblings raised by the same parents.  How does one explain these differences?  After observing hundreds of clinical families, Bowen developed the concept of the Family Emotional Process.  This is the process by which anxiety in the family system is disproportionately directed at the most vulnerable member of the family, often a child.  Anxiety is projected at the child in the form of worry and increased emotion, either positive or negative.  The child responds by accepting the projection and engaging in a reciprocal process of giving the family more to worry about.  Everyone knows a parent (or is a parent) who worries more about one child than the others.  In our society we have many names for this:  Gifted, special needs, ADD, sensitive, introvert, black sheep, etc.  According to Bowen’s Theory, all of these conditions may be valid, but they are part of a species-wide pattern of family emotional process. (Bowen, 1978, p. 12)

Bowen thought that a parallel process may also play out in the greater society in what he called the societal emotional process. (Bowen, 1978, p. 269) One group can be singled out for more worry, anxiety and projection by the larger society.  Jews in Nazi Germany have become arguably the most well-known example of this phenomena.  (The details of a reciprocal interaction are beyond the scope of this examination.) Many ethnic groups in this country have been on the receiving end of cultural projections over time; the Irish, African Americans, Jews and Catholics have taken, and continue to take, their turns.  Muslim Americans may be seen as current players in the societal emotional process in which Ahmed found himself an object of suspicion. 

The Universal Drive for Togetherness

The togetherness force is the name for the universal drive for acceptance, approval, and agreement by the group.  All living things have to operate as individuals within a group.  Even a lowly bacterial cell must “know” what is self and what is not self and must balance the need to belong with the need to protect self.  Humans are no different.  As part of the survival instinct, togetherness pressures intensify as anxiety increases.  As the togetherness forces amplify, forces for individuality are squelched.  In other words, it can become dangerous to be different. (Bowen, 1978, p. 277)

The togetherness forces can be seen to play out in at least two ways here:  School personnel and police joined together in dealing with the fear generated by Ahmed’s device.  The togetherness force discourages dissent and makes it difficult for anyone to speak out against the majority.  If anyone involved had wanted to handle things differently in this situation, it would have taken a certain amount of emotional strength to go against the group and say so. 

The togetherness force also makes it likely for suspicion to be cast upon a minority that has refused to join the togetherness of the majority.  This is seen throughout the world when those who hold a dominant religion or philosophy express discomfort or outright discrimination against those who refuse to accept it. 

Emotional Triangles Result From Tension

It is inevitable that tension will arise between any two people who spend enough time together.  The natural reaction is that one or both of them will involve a third person in the relationship.  This can be done through gossip, affairs, “venting” to an outsider, joining together to worry about or blame a third person, or hiring someone to intervene in a conflict (therapists, lawyers, consultants, mediators, etc.).  This is what Bowen called “triangling,” the purpose of which is to relieve anxiety in the emotional system by providing it with another “circuit” to run.  When the simple triangle is no longer able to absorb the anxiety in the system, another triangle will be created.  Bowen saw all relationship systems as connected series of interlocking triangles. (Bowen, 1978, p. 161)

At any moment in time participants in the emotional triangle form a two-insiders one-outsider configuration.  This insider-outsider formation can shift rapidly.  For example, in a simple triangle between a mother, father, and child, the mother and child may be chatting in the kitchen (insider position) while dad watches TV in the den (outsider position).  Then Dad comes into the kitchen and asks the child if she’s done her homework, moving the two of them to the inside position and Mom on the outside.  If Mom answers Dad for the child, “Yes, she’s done her homework,” then she’s moved herself into the inside position with Dad, putting the child into the outside position.  This is a completely ordinary interaction and simply describes the way humans-and probably other animals as well-form and maintain relationships. 

In larger groups people can figuratively “bunch up” on the corners of a triangle configuration.  In this case, teachers and police took the inside positions with Mohamed, and later his family, in the outside position.  Now that the story has reached a national audience, many members of society have “bunched up,” again in triangle fashion.  President Obama has contacted Mohamed, putting them in the inside position. (Fernandez, M., & Hauser, C. 2015)School, police, and their supporters are currently in the outside position in that triangle.  TV personality Bill Maher took an inside position with the police and school by supporting their handling of the situation, which then put Ahmed into the outside position of the triangle. (Bradley, 2015)

There is a valuable purpose to examining the details of Ahmed’s story through the lens of Family Systems Theory.  Understanding human behavior as a part of nature helps to alleviate the tendency to assign blame and leaves us more open to owning and addressing the areas in which we, as individuals and a society, could stand to improve. 

References

Bowen, Murray. Family Therapy in Clinical Practice. New York: J. Aronson, 1978. Print.

Lately a common news topic is mass murder/suicide.  With the media reporting shootings about once a month (lately sometimes more), we are left with anguish, heartbreak, anger, confusion and fear.  Besides grief, the aftermath always includes the questions of why it happened and how it could have been prevented or foreseen.

Criminal investigators and forensic psychologists are hard at work to understand and explain the means and motivation behind these disturbed killers. Lawmakers are looking at gun control, schools look at policies to make campuses safer, investigators search for clues and answers, and forensic mental health workers search for preventative and treatment based approaches.

Take one of the most recent incidents, the twenty six year old in Oregon who killed nine students and wounded nine more at a community college. Following the shooting rampage, he killed himself. He was living with his mother and had a diagnosis of Asperger’s Disorder. His mother loved shooting guns as a hobby. She reportedly owned many guns and took him to the shooting range often. He openly wrote about feeling that he was rational and others around him were not. He was also reportedly upset that he had no girlfriend (Cooper & Abdollah, 2015).  

A difficult aspect of figuring out how to prevent such horrific outcomes is that while there are patterns and commonalities across some of these incidents, we can not attribute any one characteristic to all or most of them. For example, while most of these perpetrators are young males who plan the event carefully and have a fascination with weapons, it would be a very large leap to say that all young males who are interested in weapons will become mass murderers (Frances, 2015). Likewise, just because someone has a mental disorder does not automatically make them dangerous to themselves or others.  

The number of mass murderers is accumulating and their desire to explain themselves in writing and videos on social media, provides us the opportunity to study the database that is evolving.

A Look Inside the Mind of Mass Murderer

In the study of the psychological mind of mass murderers we find some common themes. Many are loners who feel resentful that others experience privilege that they are not entitled to. They tend to ruminate about past humiliations and whether they have been rejected or hurt by others in reality or just in their minds. Fury, deep despair, and selfishness cause fantasies of violent revenge that will cause attention. Most expect to die or set it up so that they will be killed by police. But while we can identify a high risk group, finding the ones that will actually take it to the next step of planning and acting it out becomes like finding a needle in a hay stack.

While some events take place due to a build up of anger and frustration over time and are carefully planned out, others become possible due to high emotionality in the moment, substance use and the person snaps. The frequency of psychiatric disorders is in general high in the mass murderer population, but again becomes difficult to identify as the sole cause. 

What we are left to deduce is that due to the complex nature of a mass murderer’s profile,  professionals will continue to struggle to be able to prevent these horrific acts. However, whatever position one takes on gun control versus the right to bear arms, all could agree that it should not be easier to obtain a concealed weapon than it is to get mental health services. We can take firmer steps to provide psychological help to those at risk and in need. And, we can continue to crack down on bullying and help make mental health services accessible and encouraged, rather than stigmatized.

References

Cooper, J., & Abdollah, T. (2015). Oregon Shooter Rants in Writings About Having No Girlfriend.

http://news.yahoo.com/pastors-sermon-violence-not-last-word-054629283.html  

Frances, L. (2014). The Mind of a Mass Murderer. Understanding the Motivations Won’t Be Enough to Prevent the Crimes.

https://www.psychologytoday/blog/saving-normal/201405/the-mind-mass-murderer

In modern lives, play is not something many people entertain or even incorporate as part of a daily routine. For most adults, play is regarded as trivial and its significance, under-estimated. More often than not, play is thought of something that’s exclusive to the world of children.

A new body of research is proving it to be otherwise. It turns out that play is not just important for kids but also essential for adults. Science is showing how play is a powerful source of creativity that can help fuel motivation, imagination, and emotional intelligence by promoting problem-solving and conflict resolution skills (Shute, 2009).

Importance of Play

With the advance of technology, human lives have become increasingly more hectic and complicated. As a result, many people are deprived of the necessary time to relax and play for pure fun. If prolonged, however, this state of privation could engender adverse ramifications on health and relationships (Brown, 2010).

Based on his decades of research studying the power of play, psychiatrist Stuart Brown (2010) has posited that play is one of the basic biological drives (as sleep and food) critical to human health and well-being. He even compared play to oxygen, underscoring the value of play in human life.

In his study, Brown has reviewed over 6,000 case studies (involving play histories of people from all walks of life including prisoners, successful business people, artists, and Nobel Prize winners), examining the role of play in each person’s life.  His data suggested that lack of play in childhood, among other variables, was a major hindrance to establishing a happy, well-adjusted life later as adults. Conversely, Brown also concluded that play is a catalyst for maximum productivity, optimal socialization, and greater emotional intimacy in relationships.

Psychologists are claiming that play has steadily declined in recent years, which is bearing negative consequences for kids and adults alike. Further research has correlated this declining trend with a surge in psychopathology (e.g. depression and anxiety) among children and adolescents including a host of other mental health challenges later in life (Gray, 2011).

Benefits of Play

Contrary to what many adults might think, it is much simpler and easier to reap the benefits of play in our daily life. It is suggested that play must be integrated as a way of living embedded in what we do every day, readily accessible via any unstructured, unrestricted form of simple activities such as laughing, flirting, and even daydreaming (Brown, 2010).

Play does not have to involve a major planning in advance. Nor does it need to entail any particular structure. In fact, if play is too rigid and purposeful with the end goal as the main focus, it is no longer play. Play must be free-flowing and imaginative if it were to truly benefit our social, emotional, and cognitive development and well-being. Free play has to be self-directed and intrinsically rewarding without any specific goals to be achieved (Gray, 2011).

Opportunities to play in the true sense of the word can be easily created in spontaneous moments of laughter, goofiness, humor, and some novel experiences we allow ourselves to embrace every day. The benefits of play can be most maximized when it can be experienced simply as a process rather than as a means to achieve certain goals at the end, thereby creating new ways of being, doing, and relating (ibid.).

In this vein, play is crucial to our learning, personal growth, and the way we connect with others. In particular, play is known to help relieve stress, improve brain functioning, increase productivity and concentration, promote cooperation/collaboration with others, build strong interpersonal connections, and even delay mental decline in old age (Shute, 2009).

Implication

After all, play is not petty. Nor is it a luxury as once thought.  

Science is proving how children and adults alike can no longer afford to opt out of it. It is an indispensable part of our very being as humans if we are to live a happy, healthy, and fulfilling life.  As scientifically delineated, play-deprived life can result in some devastating consequences compromising the quality of life.

Play is something we must engage in daily not only to maximize our potential but to merely preserve our sense of worth and well-being as humans. It is as fundamental and basic to human life as that.  

Perhaps it is not a simple cliché when we say we are still a kid at heart. We may seriously need to take the time to be a child all over again, every single day of our lives, if we are to bring out the best in us.

Truly this is a humble, yet revolutionary invitation for all of us to play together with our children and one another as grown-ups. All of us need to play and in playing together every day, we may be able to collectively learn how to be genuinely human.

References

Gray, P. 2011. The Decline of Play and the Rise of Psychopathology in Children and Adolescents. American Journal of Play, volume 3, number 4.

Shute, N. March 2009. US News Health. 10 Reasons Play Can Make You Healthy, Happy, and More Productive: Recess Helps Kids Do Better In School. Retrieved from http://health.usnews.com/health-news/family-health/childrens-health/articles/2009/03/09/10-reasons-play-can-make-you-healthy-happy-and-more-productive

School is now in full swing and children, as well as then parents, are probably experiencing increased demands on their time and their coping abilities. School involves concerns beyond those experienced by parents when they were children. Not only do children today report anxiety about school performance and acceptance, they also deal with increased violence in their place of learning. While there are no simple solutions or easy answers to social violence, there are things parents and concerned adults can do to create safe relationships and to develop an understanding of how to help children cope with their feelings and develop strategies to assist them in managing the problems and stresses of daily living. Resilience is one of those things.

Resiliency has become a buzz word in recent years. But, how many parents and caregivers understand resiliency and how to cultivate resiliency in their children? What does it mean to be “resilient?” Dictionaries generally indicate agree resilience is the ability to rebound or bounce back from a stressful situation or event to a pre-stress level of functioning. The definition appears to apply across many fields, not only psychology and sociology. The resiliency of a material is its ability to endure applied pressure and then return to its previous state before the pressure was applied. A rubber band when stretched and released bounces back and appears no worse for the wear. However, that same rubber band is unlikely to return to its original shape when stretched to capacity for long periods of time, or it may break when the force applied exceeds its structural capacity. Resilience in people is similar and is important because resilient children area able to bounce back from adversity and stress more quickly than non-resilient children. It is likely correlated with several factors commonly referenced as nature (genetic) and nurture (environmental). For example, in infancy a child’s temperament is often recognized by parents and caregivers through their conversations with others stating their newborn seems to be fussy or highly active while their other newborns seem to have been born with a calm and passive demeanor. Whether the observation is nature or nurture is difficult to assess even when the infant’s temperament coincides with the biological mother’s experience of fetal behavior during pregnancy. What matters most is how parents manage their reactions to their children and situations involving their children, and whether parents teach their children healthy coping skills and problem skills to manage appropriately temperamental behaviors.

While life will provide many situations that can challenge a child’s core identity and sense of value, one of the greatest challenges children will struggle with is that of relationships. Through teachable moments, which are excellent moments of intervention when parents can help children develop healthy coping and problem solving skills, children can learn how their choices and actions affect others, and about accountability. Fay et al. (2015)  propose that childhood is a great time for children to learn from their mistake by being allowed to experience the consequences of their poor choices because the consequences of those mistakes are much less severe than the consequences of poor choices made in adulthood. For example, the consequences of skipping bee practice for an eighth grader in likely to be less severe than the consequences of skipping a mandatory function as an employee. Mistakes in childhood can be great opportunities for learning how to become a responsible and productive adult.   

Responsible parenting is the key to fostering resilience in children. Through attuned care-giving, relational foundations are laid early in a child’s life even when caregivers are unaware of the great power they hold in shaping a child’s life. Early childhood caregivers, especially, have the power to shape the direction of a child’s life through words and actions used to communicate approval and disapproval. Their words can create confusion through mixed messages when what is said does not match attitude or action leaving the recipient feeling confused and insecure. Mixed messages can go both ways with messages that a) sound pleasant or b) sound threatening but the corresponding actions and nonverbal communication indicates the opposite. The underdeveloped brain cannot make sense of where things stand or exactly what is and is not acceptable-including them. How can children view themselves and other people as safe or valuable when early formative experiences suggest otherwise? Or how can they be expected to form strong healthy attachments in relationships if early formative experiences have borne out their needs and feelings do not matter? How do children develop a clear sense of identity and character as they mature when their role models have modeled inconsistency, incongruencies, and lack of affection, rigidity, or lack of accountability both personally and as parental figures?

On some level most caregivers will admit that children, even adolescents and emerging young adults, are still developing and maturing, and are not miniature adults possessing the experiential knowledge or abilities of seasoned adulthood. Yet, many youth today admit to feeling frustrated, angry, and misunderstood despite a more informed generation of parents about child development. Information and support is a quick click away via the Internet with a plethora of resources and experts available to educate and support parents who take the initiative to ask for help, or to learn about early childhood development both through literature, web sites, and media.

Parents and caregivers can foster resiliency in children through exposure to a variety of healthy activities, through multiple opportunities to contribute to the family and social groups, and by being allowed to participate in making decisions (and being allowed to experience the consequences of poor decisions). A responsible parent allows children to make mistakes and to experience the consequences of those mistakes realizing this is part of a child’s maturation process towards becoming a responsible adult able to function in society. When it comes to those things that can result in serious consequences, such as alcohol and drug use, parents set clear guidelines recognizing children’s minds are still unable to fully process the long-term effects of those activities and consequences of a poor choice related thereto. In a survey of adolescents conducted by Feldhahn and Rice (2007), teens admitted they are not truthful with their parents because they do not believe their parents are safe people with whom they can disclose their true thoughts and feelings. The kind of safe relationships children want and need from their parents are developed over a period of years beginning early in life.

Resiliency is built through modeling appropriate problem solving skills and behavior. Anger management specialists purport people (including children) become angry when they perceive a need is not being met. Marriage therapists John and Julie Gottman state arguments erupt when a needed conversation did not take place. How parents approach problems and disputes contribute to children’s understanding about how to manage their environments. Can needs be discussed without fear of sarcasm, contempt, criticism, or emotional shutdown? Children need opportunities to voice their concerns and their needs, perhaps even more so than adults because they lack the experiential knowledge and processing skills often needed to manage their environments effectively. 

Parents are the primary architects for building a culture of resiliency for their children. It is through a warm and positive relationship with clear and consistent rules and consequences that children build trust and resiliency. This safety net allows children to have the internal protections needed to explore their environment and develop positive relationships with peers and adults (The Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2015). The nurturing parent will provide a safe and healthy environment for their child and will have high expectations for their child based on the child’s developmental level and needs. The escalating nature of violence and frustration among adolescents and young adults is a symptom of a deeper societal problem that cannot be ignored and expected to resolve itself. Today’s children need strong nurturing relationships more than ever if future escalating levels of violent behavior are to be curtailed. Resiliency may be a missing core characteristic in children and youth who commit acts of violence. Maybe it is time to look at investing in a safer future by fostering resilient children who possess effective problem solving skills and healthy emotional management skills.

Fay J. & Cline, F. W. Love and Logic. Retrieved October 20, 2015 from https://www.loveandlogic.com/

Feldhahn, S. & Rice, L. A. (2007). For Parents Only. Multnomah Books. Colorado Springs Co.

Gottman, J. & Gottman, J. S. (2012). Bridging the Couple Chasm. The Gottman Institute Inc. Seattle, WA.

The Child Welfare Information Gateway. Nurturing and Attachment. Retrieved October 20, 2015 from https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/preventing/promoting/protectfactors/nurture-attach/

 Psychology Dictionary. What is resilience? Retrieved October 20, 2015 from                    http://psychologydictionary.org/resilience

In 2003 CBS aired a show called “Two and Half Men.” The show starred Charlie Sheen, Jon Cryer, and Angus T. Jones. The show was a sitcom about a jubilant free spirited writer and his opposite uptight brother who moves in with him along with is son. The mixture of the worlds collide in the spirit of The Odd Couple that aired from 1970 to 1975. The sitcom, Two and Half Men went on to become a top rated sitcom show with many nominations and awards for their work. However behind the screen, Charlie Sheen’s life was not so funny. His life was characterized by multi-media coverage of his erratic behavior, drug addiction, failed relationships, and chaos that followed him. He cut from the show in 2010.

The world saw Charlie Sheen fall even further from the stars with his behavior despite landing another sitcom. As the years went on rumors began to surface about his health status of being HIV positive. On November 17, 2015 Charlie Sheen revealed that he is HIV positive. Charlie Sheen (Today, 2015) stated, “It’s a hard 3 letter to absorb.” Like many individuals, couples, and families, to be hit with the news that one has a chronic life threatening disease is difficult for anyone to absorb. 

HIV History

Psychological Defense 

Another common defense mechanism is avoidance. Avoidance is when the person is aware that there is a problem however they do not want to address. For example, a medical professional would tell a patient they have a chronic illness and the patient will not address the care he or she needs. Now, the patient is aware however they are just not going to address it. This can be very devastating in the long run, because early intervention is key to a longer healthier life such as Magic Johnson’s. Minks (2015) cited that Charlie’s breakdown that he had around the time he was cut from the show and the media had a field day with erratic behaviors was also around the time Charlie learned of his HIV status. At that time this was Charlie’s way of coping.

Support & Future

Summary

References

Yes, Donald Trump does hunch over the podium when he expostulates on whatever it is he is railing against at any particular moment. This is a well-known maneuver that gives the illusion that the speaker is even larger than he/she actually is. Actors and public figures have been doing this for years.

Yes, Trump does indulge himself in terms of exaggerated facial expressions and attention-grabbing body language. He is, and always has been, a bold and effective self-promoter. None of this is surprising unless it was expected that Mr. Trump would dial back his personal style in an effort to appear more presidential.           

Trump is a known quantity. There are years’ worth of media coverage that have exposed many aspects of his admittedly large lifestyle. Can we say the same about Hitler?

The two men came along in vastly different worlds in times that cannot be compared. It seems reasonable to accept that each was/is motivated and propelled by different upbringings and psychological propensities. The Art of the Deal bears no resemblance to Mein Kampf. 

Hitler was appointed. Trump is looking to be elected. These are two very different processes.

Hitler was imprisoned in Landsberg jail in 1924 because of this failed “Beer Hall Putsch” in Bavaria, which was an attempt to overthrow the government. Released after nine months, he retained his paramilitary army. Trump’s followers cannot, from any angle, be seen as an army. He is not looking to invade a country or to murder large numbers of people. Deny rights — perhaps, exterminate — no.

There is no evidence that Hitler lived a gold-plated, marbled floor existence. He was not a social figure, and, let us remember, did not have a beloved daughter (Ivanka) who converted to Judaism.            

It has been noted that both Hitler and Trump possess intense, charismatic personalities. The same can be said for Teddy Roosevelt, Mother Theresa, Samuel L. Jackson and Billie Jean King. Let us not insult the combined intelligence
of citizens of the United States.

1930’s Germany was not a time of instant dissemination of news and opinion.  With all the media outlets available in 2015, it is unlikely Mr. Trump would be able to keep hidden his association with individuals looking to destroy the government. It is probable that many German citizens knew very little about Der Fuhrer until he was well-positioned as a dominant force in their country’s political system.

For those who cringe at Mr. Trump’s exaggerated style and frequent mangling of the facts, there is a reason to relax — no one is being forced to vote for him. The Iowa Caucus has not been held, primaries have not been run, and, even if he had been triumphant in these venues, there is scant evidence that early frontrunners make it all the way to the White House.  

Although many may prefer to pretend otherwise, bigotry and xenophobia have always run through the veins of this country and everywhere that people congregate to live. When frightening events occur, such as the slaughter in San Bernardino, it is easy to become suspicious and more vulnerable to bombastic rhetoric.

It has been pointed out that 60% of religious hate crimes are still aimed at Jews, not Muslims. Unlike Hitler’s Germany, many voices speak loudly in the United States. As a people, historically, U.S. citizens debate, often quite forcefully, rather than bow to a single opinion or proposed solution. It does not seem likely to analysts that this aspect of the American character is about to change.

Numerous memes of Mr. Trump have appeared on social media.  While many are clever, such illustrations both elevate his importance and diminish the atrocities of the Nazis, making them symbols of both comedy and evil.  It has been suggested that a wiser strategy would be to refuse to “water the plant”(aka Donald Trump) when it demands attention.

It is easy to invoke Hitler, the symbol of evil, when a position is taken with which many people disagree. Perhaps a more well-thought-out approach would prove to be more effective.  It has been suggested that rather than focus on superficial attributes, taking a look at the actual threats to the American population might bring some real solace to those who have been harmed and those who are fearful. The citizens of the United States need not resort or respond to knee-jerk reactions in times of terror. 

Whatever one’s outlook on Mr.Trump’s opinions we are not living in Germany’s Weimar Republic. It is crucial to be able to differentiate between that which is true and that which we fear “could be”.  

References

Crouch, I. (2015, December 12). Trump, the Man, the Meme. Retrieved December 13, 2015.

Harsanyl, D. (2015, December 11). Donald Trump may be a Dangerous Buffoon but He's no Hitler. Retrieved December 13, 2015.

Madawac Williams, G. (2015, October 5). Retrieved December 13, 2015.

Rosza, M. (2015, November 30). The Problem with Comparing Trump to Hitler. Retrieved December 13, 2015.

Tulsa, D. (n.d.). Trump as Hitler. Retrieved December 13, 2015.

In the last few years, thousands of stunning and disturbing acts of violence have occurred. We can all agree that terrorists and violent criminals belong behind bars. But what happens when it is our law enforcement officers that murder or commit crimes? As Americans, how do we live without fear and anxiety when those who vow to “serve and protect” us hurt their own?

The media has been reporting many such instances of late. Chicago is one city that has recently been in the news a great deal. Allegedly, racism is at the root of many reported instances there. From racial slurs to assault to murder, the crimes committed by officers of the law have been reported repeatedly.

A team of investigative journalists and legal experts have documents that project there have been 56,361 allegations of abuse of power, illegal arrest, racist insults and physical violence in the Chicago Police Department alone (Balto, 2015). The numbers are staggering. People are rightfully outraged. The police are the alleged sources of the violence. They vow to uphold the law, yet it is they, at times, who commit the violent crimes. In Chicago, the documented citizen complaint records date back until 1967. One officer alone has fifty-five misconduct complaints in the last five years yet he has not received any disciplinary penalties for his misconduct. For community members, this type of unaccountability is a proven recipe for terror and tragedy.

There are so many law enforcement professionals who truly do good and put their life on the line to bring safety and justice to our communities. So it is confusing and upsetting, to say the least, when it is our law enforcement that does wrong. Public trust has been damaged tremendously. We want people to follow the letter of the law and use the proper channels to address wrongdoing, yet a citizen who files a complaint of officer misconduct in the Chicago Police Department has a one in thirty five chance of departmental review both finding in their favor and any disciplinary action coming to the offending officer (Balto, 2015).

Examples of The Reported Crimes

Another city in the media is Ferguson, a suburb of St. Louis. On August 9, 2014, an unarmed black teenager was shot and killed by a white police officer setting off protests that roiled the area for weeks. An announcement by the county prosecutor set off more protests because a grand jury decided not to indict the white police officer. The reason for the protests over this incident is because of the repeated reports of constitutional violations against the black population in the city. However, thousands of people took to the streets in cities across the country from Los Angeles to New York to protest what is happening (Eligon & Fernandez, 2014).  In March, the Justice Department called on Ferguson to overhaul its entire criminal justice system because the city reportedly used its police and courts as moneymaking ventures among many other unlawful acts (Buchanan, Fessenden, Lai, Park, Parlapiano, Tse, Wallace, Watkins & Yourish, 2015). Hopefully, the necessary changes will be successfully implemented.

Conclusion

Concerns about Syrian refugees, illegal aliens from Mexico, ISIS, home grown terrorist cells and the economic and security issues correlated with any one of these concerns, and it becomes easier to understand how reactive comments proliferate across government, the media, and casual conversations. Assuredly these are complicated matters requiring thoughtful consideration of measures designed to meet the needs of society collectively while respecting the dignity and value of human life individually. With that premise in mind, there can be no single resolution capable of meeting the needs and desires of all constituents. There can be, however, dialogue among leaders and citizens reflecting concern, care, and respect for the needs of all affected by a proposal whether they are active or passive recipients of change. This type of dialogue requires some recognition of Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems theory (Paquette & Ryan, 2001) which at its most fundamental level purports that a change in the existing social system (phrased in the language of a popular movie now playing, “a disturbance in the force”) will be felt throughout the entire system, much like a pebble or a boulder produces ripples or waves on a body of water. Multiple factors contribute to the impact of that pebble or boulder on the ecosystem. With that in mind, pause for a moment and reflect on the interdependence of living organisms.

Designed for relationships: We are social beings

Sustaining life, it seems, is an interdependent process even at the cellular level. So, what happens when there is an actual or perceived disruption in existing interdependent processes? Think about what happens when one variable in a string of processes or actions changes and how the outcome in the immediacy may or may not appear to differ. Nonetheless, the change has affected the internal workings of that system. The system has been changed much like a human being is changed moment to moment by continual  influences that one moment are known as the present and then in the next moment has evolved into the past. That human being is no longer the exact same person. It may be seconds, hours, days, months or longer before one understands that experiential effect. If the premise that change in one area of a person’s life or in the fabric of society is ignored or disavowed, then interdependence suffers as dependency and independence are strengthened. The strength of Interdependence is its capacity to promote and sustain balance between the two. When interdependence becomes dysregulated with a disruption of power in either direction, the probability of the system becoming vulnerable and losing its strength proportionately changes. The question becomes when and how does interdependence become so great a strength it devolves into a weakness?

When we-ness is lost

The Karpman Triangle is about perceptions played out behaviorally in relationships. For those readers unfamiliar with the triangle, imagine an equilateral triangle turned upside down so it looks like an upside down pyramid. All participants of the triangle suffer as there is no potential for healthy resolution of problems and issues unless one participant consciously or subconsciously realizes the futility of the behavioral pattern and adopts a new healthy and assertive pattern of interaction. The Karpman Triangle is a reflection of an imbalance of power based on disrespectful and controlling behaviors. There are always three roles or functional positions on the Triangle - namely Helper, Victim, and Persecutor. Within the Triangle is finger pointing, blaming, and accusations with all participants feeling badly at some point.

The Karpman Triangle is an example of an unhealthy interdependent system. Participants find themselves stuck on the triangle because the dynamics of the triangle help them avoid seeing the real problem, and because they either do not possess or they have lost sight of the skills needed to break free from triangle influences. The triangle Rescuer feels good because the desire to feel competent, nurturing, or appreciated is met by fixing somebody else’s problems, namely those of the Triangle Victim. The triangle Victim is momentarily satisfied because the desire to get problems fixed without having to accept responsibility or accountability for them is met, but this eventually transitions into resentment as Victim begins to feel more controlled and put down by Rescuer’s actions and messages. Eventually, Victim reacts by criticizing or sabotaging Rescuer’s “helpfulness.” This is usually seen as hostile to the Rescuer who views Victim as their Persecutor. Rescuer now feels unappreciated and attacked. In other words, Rescuer now feels victimized tries to defend by recounting all efforts expended on Victim and pronouncing Victim’s ingratitude while making a personal vow to no longer help someone who does not appreciate and follow their advice. The cycle may continue to escalate with Victim and Rescuer alternating between their established roles and that of Persecutor. Each abhors seeing themselves as Persecutor and quickly succumbs to feeling hurt and victimized eventually returning to their assigned role on the Triangle (Forrest, 2008). On paper the dynamics are readily recognized as relationally unhealthy but in functionality they go unrecognized because they meet the needs of the participants who either are not ready to change or do not know how to break free from the Triangle.  Plain and simple, the Karpman Triangle is about power and control. It plays out every day in personal relationships and in organizational structures such as businesses and governments.

The problem with power and control in a relationship is that it destroys interdependence. Relationships characterized by power and control reflect little respect for its members to dissent or differ from a norm or rule established by the stronger member of the relationship. Eventually the weaker member becomes weary or intimidated and succumbs to appease the more powerful person.

On a larger scale, what happens when the toxic environment is the established social structure and members of society perceive their voice is not heard by the governing body? When a society’s national identity evolves or devolves faster than its constituents can process, integrate, and adapt, resulting misunderstandings seem a natural byproduct that can breed frustration, loss of personal efficacy, as well as perceived threat to safety and integrity as communication breaks down. Such a scenario, it seems, would set the stage for civil unrest and an upsurge in violence as the social structure attempts to restore its sense of balance. There have been several major revisions in recent years to America’s sense of identity and those revisions have polarized factions of Americans. Additionally, the lenient double standard favoring legislators, high ranking officials, and the wealthy has been a source of division and resentment while deepening the divide of societal interdependence. Perceptions of “us and them” are becoming more pronounced as feelings of loyalty and human dignity, value, and worth seem to diminish. With political correctness at an all-time high, people in many walks of life are feeling marginalized and vulnerable.

Some people believe violence in America is increasing despite FBI statistics stating violent crimes have decreased (FBI, 2015). Others say rates of violence have not increased but simply receive broad media exposure. There is a third possibility. Violence appears to be escalating due to accessibility to advanced weaponry and also according to how violence is defined. Dr. Pfeiffer, an anger management specialist, asked group of therapists their perceptions as to whether people appear to be feeling angrier and the general consensus was they did (Pfeiffer, personal communication, December 4, 2013). Whether or not anger and violence in society is escalating, people are becoming more sensitive, aware of, and less tolerant of angry behaviors whether in public or private settings. Most people feel uncomfortable when confronted by an angry individual and, at times, fear for their safety. Reports of mass shootings in schools, places of business, houses of worship, and retails establishments no longer draw the same intensity of reaction and disbelief they once did. Now reports of home invasions, drive-by shootings, genocide, terror attacks, and armed violence are familiar topics and have desensitized society (Peace Alliance, 2015) to the point such reports no longer elicit shock and disbelief. Psychological defenses permit most people’s return to a “business as usual” approach shortly afterward. Nonetheless, the imprint of violence remains because human beings are interdependent which requires a measure of trust.

Restoring balance to we-ness

Through respectful communications and assertive behaviors one’s personal needs can be met while regarding the needs and feelings of others. Unmet needs usually remain unmet when people are relating in a manner described by the Karpman Triangle. Getting off of the Karpman Triangle depends on developing and utilizing assertive communications skills and respecting one’s internal values and beliefs.

The restoration of we-ness hinges on mindfully and thoughtfully developing and strengthening recognition and respect for the human condition, including its dark side. We-ness involves far more than political correctness or tolerance. It is an attitude that begins to develop with the acceptance and the dismantling of us and them including thoughtful recognition of how the past shapes the present and the future. Even those inglorious moments residing in the shadows of human existence demand respect and remembrance for their valuable lessons. This is the byproduct of genuine acceptance and unconditional positive regard. We-ness is a philosophy of giving and receiving – not give and take. It goes hand in hand with interdependence and is more than equal power. If indeed conflict arises when perceived needs are unmet, perhaps through interdependence needs can be met and aggression decreased.

References

Dye, M. (2012). The Genesis Process for Change Groups Book 1 and 2 Individual Workbook (4th ed.). 2563 Rodeo Flat Rd., Auburn, CA 95602.

Federal Bureau of Investigation. Retrieved from https://www.fbi.gov/about-us/cjis/ucr/crime-in-the-u.s/2014/crime-in-the-u.s.-2014

Forest, L. (2008). The three faces of victim — an overview of the drama triangle.  Retrieved from http://www.lynneforrest.com/articles/2008/06/the-faces-of-victim/  

Karpman, S. (1968). Fairy tales and script drama analysis. Transactional Analysis Bulletin, 7(26), 39-43.

Klott, J. (2015, Feb 2). Suicide and self mutilation [DVD]. PESI Publishing & Media.

Peace Alliance. Retrieved from  http://peacealliance.org/tools-education/statistics-on-violence/

Paquette, D. & Ryan, J. (2001). Bronfenbrenner’s ecological systems theory. Retrieved from

www.floridahealth.gov/.../documents/bronfenbrenners_ecological.pdf

As the New Year kicks off to its full swing, there are much talks about making meaningful resolutions and finding ways to actualize them without fail.

Though unique and different every year, one common theme that always seems to be re-emerging around this time is how to increase productivity and become more successful.

Productivity is often considered as the number one factor linked to success. Most successful people are naturally regarded as most productive and hence, most efficient.

With the advancement in technology and science, it should only be easier and simpler to achieve this goal but in reality, it seems even more unreachable than ever before.

ADD or Modern Life Syndrome

The reality of our modern life is incessantly adding extra layers of stress and pressure to multi-task in a fast-paced manner. This prolonged exposure to constant distractions can invariably engender symptoms that are characteristic of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).

According to Ed Hallowell, former professor at Harvard Medical School and author of Driven to Distraction, there has been an upsurge in the number of people complaining of feeling overwhelmed by daily life and not being able to effectively focus on any one task at hand (Barker, 2014).

Hallowell further claims that this chronic sense of feeling rushed, overstretched and disorganized may warrant the diagnosis of ADD but it could simply be the very symbol of our modern life style. Barraged by unlimited sources of distractions accessible ad nauseam, more people are now susceptible to suffering some form of ADD or its derivatives thereof (ibid.).   

Arguably, our modern way of living has generated some negative byproducts whose effects are increasingly more concerning than not.

Biggest Culprit

It turns out that the biggest culprit of this new phenomenon is none other than email. Though conveniently revolutionized the way we communicate and connect with each other, email has also posed a host of new challenges to our sense of well-being.

It has been posited that the majority of people today are heavily relying on email to the extent that it is drastically taking a toll on our physiological and emotional health.

In 2012 McKinsey Global Institute report, it was indicated that the average people spend about 28 percent of their time at work going through their inboxes. While 58 percent of smartphone users check their emails almost every hour, 54 percent have been found to be checking their phones before going to bed at night (Barker, 2014).

It has also been shown that checking email excessively can actually raise the level of stress and make us more prone to reactivity, which in turn reduces productivity. When not reined in properly, email can be just as addictive as alcohol or tobacco, potentially shrinking our brain while dropping our IQ by 10 points (ibid.).

Recently, a new study conducted by the University of California, Irvine in collaboration with United States Army researchers, provided additional evidence to that effect. The study looked at 13 workers in a typical office setting and tested people’s stress levels by monitoring their heart rates. The findings showed that the level of stress for people who do not look at email on a regular basis at work was much lower with higher productivity than those who do (Bilton, 2012).

Implication

There is no doubt that technology has brought many new wonders and possibilities to our world of humanity. When not gauged with proper limits, however, we could unknowingly fall prey to its hidden perils and become enslaved to all of its marvelous creations along the way.

To make the most of our New Year’s resolutions, what is more pressing may be our priorities that need to be re-aligned first and foremost in order to maximize the benefits of today’s technology.

ADD or not, perhaps real success in the New Year is measured by how well we are able to establish a better balance in our daily lives without being misguided by unfounded pressures of our modern life.  

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References

End of year activities are now past and resolutions of the New Year are being re-evaluated by many whose motivation is flagging when challenged by the stresses of daily life. With 2016 comes uncertainty as the stock market drops in response to world events, daily reminders of elections and political campaigning, and dramatic weather shifts reigniting discussions about what future generations will experience. Added to these concerns is the effect of collective past experiences. Much has been written about the long term effects of early childhood experiences on our thought, beliefs, and even functioning in adulthood. Perhaps one of the best known studies is the ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences Study) conducted by Kaiser Permanente (Anda, n.d.) illuminating the impact negative early childhood experiences can have on health many years later. In addition to the physical and mental health medical diagnoses correlated with adverse childhood experiences is the effect long-term chronic stress can have on perceptions of feeling stuck, unfulfilled, and ineffective in managing life’s challenges. When this happens, anxiety and frustration may lead to experimentation with behaviors and strategies for relief (a/k/a coping behaviors) in an effort to adapt to the situation or, for some people, a return to old patterns of thinking about the causes of societal ills and injustices.

All coping behaviors are an effort to restore a sense of balance and they can be categorized as healthy or unhealthy. Unhealthy coping behaviors relieve stress and deliver relief by avoiding resolution of the problem allowing anxiety, anger, or fear to fester. Not resolving the ongoing stress consumes mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical resources eventually damaging organs and taxing the immune system. Conversely, healthy coping behaviors are part of a strategic plan designed to relieve stress so one can tolerate uncomfortable situations and feelings long enough to tackle the tasks of problem solving and implementing an appropriate plan of action. While a healthy coping skill may not provide complete and immediate relief, it does enhance health and well being. At best, an unhealthy coping mechanism allows the issue to remain unresolved only to arise again at some future time.

Stress and The Body

Stress invades our lives through many avenues. It may be your friend or a family member who delivered some well-meant but unsolicited advice that activates the stress hormones adrenalin (epinephrine), noradrenalin, and cortisol (APA, ND; Sadowski, Jackson, Wieczorek, & Gold, 2009). These hormones increase heart rate and blood pressure, redirect blood flow to large muscles needed for flight or fight via dilation of blood vessels, and affect breathing patterns so they become more shallow and short, among a host of other less noticeable effects such as the release of glucose by the liver to give the body energy for fight or flight. This blood sugar is reabsorbed once the crisis or stress is past and the body returns to its usual state of function. However, what might this mean for people who have diabetes or are at higher risk for diabetes? Think about what happens to eating patterns and diets when life begins to feel overwhelming. Those changes in eating habits may result in increased heartburn or one’s stomach may feel like a lump of lead, filled with butterflies, pain, nausea, or become so distressed one vomits. Some people experience diarrhea, constipation, or their body has difficulty absorbing and synthesizing nutrients from food (WebMD, ND). When cells are stressed they cease synthesizing proteins until the stress is relieved (Ramanujan, 2013). Men produce more testosterone when stressed and the increase in cortisol affects reproductive and sexual functioning leaving them vulnerable to infection, decreased sperm production, and even erectile dysfunction and impotence. In women stress affects the menses and can cause painful menses, intensify PMS, decrease sexual desire, and intensify menopausal symptoms.

Stress can be acute, as when you have a near collision while driving, or chronic, such as what might be experienced living in a chaotic home environment. During acute stress, the body’s responses are quickly activated by the sympathetic nervous system and then the body tends to return to normal through the actions of the parasympathetic system. Chronic stress, however, prevents the body from quickly returning to baseline resulting in a lot of wear and tear on the body. In chronic stress there is a repeated rollercoaster effect of the nervous system being activated such that organs and tissues become inflamed and vulnerable to disease and dysfunction. When stress continues long enough, a condition called adrenal fatigue may result. All of these effects can increase the likelihood of returning to old unhealthy coping patterns (relapse) out of exhaustion, frustration, and perceived defeat. The type of stress experienced is irrelevant as the body responds via the same mechanisms with demands on your body’s physical and mental resources. Even good stress (eustress) comes at a price as the internal physical demands placed on systems and organs may go unrecognized. A good example of good stress is the planning a wedding or birth of a child.

Points to remember:

•              All stress takes a toll on the body

•              When stressed it is a natural tendency to change behavior patterns in an effort to gain some measure relief

•              You are more vulnerable to returning to old comfort behaviors because of their history of providing relief 

                despite their ill effects

•              Stress is a part of life

•              There are healthy and effective things you can do to reduce symptoms

Stress begins in the sympathetic system of the brain and is felt in the body through the release of the hormone adrenalin. The parasympathetic system, part of the nervous system, is responsible for returning the body to its pre-stress state. This is something that occurs automatically. However, strategies such as breathing and muscle relaxation have been found helpful towards helping the parasympathetic system signal the brain to stop activating the release of stress hormones. Breathing deeply and rhythmically down into the lower abdomen creates a massaging effect on numerous organs and the vagus nerve, the major nerve traversing the body that carries sensory messages to the brain. The brain has come to associate shallow breathing with danger and normal rhythmic breathing with safety or normalcy. Relaxation breathing has the ability to reduce heart rate and to lower blood pressure.

Another stress buster is guided imagery, imagining a place that evokes feelings of calmness, security, and pleasure. The place chosen does not have to be real but can be a place you imagine or a real place altered to meet criteria. Guided imagery can be paired with relaxing music to enhance its effectiveness. Guided imagery and breathing are both effective skills and there are many other kinds of body work designed to deliver similar results, including yoga, massage, hot mineral spas, whirlpools, and meditation and prayer.

While body work is an effective means of reducing stress, the effectiveness of thought management cannot be underestimated. If repetitive thoughts go unmanaged and unchallenged, chances are pretty good the anxiety and physical signs of stress will return. Trying to empty the mind seems like a futile exercise because the brain naturally seeks another thought to fill the space. Interrupting negative thoughts can be achieved effectively by replacing the unhelpful thought with one that is more accurate and helpful or positive. Thought replacement is like changing the channel on the radio or television when you do not like the show or song playing. This is an important skill because thoughts have a direct effect on how a person feels, and is reflected by attitude and behavior.

How Thoughts Relate to Feelings and Stress

Thoughts are reflected in self-talk and arise from internal and external experiences. When self-talk is negative, it is characterized by shoulds, oughts, self-criticism, and judgments creating a self-defeating mindset. There are a number of common thinking errors habitually utilized and, when left unchecked, can cause difficulties in relationships. Recognizing, becoming mindful of, and then reframing these thinking errors accurately helps improve the quality of self-talk and feelings about self, others, and life.

Beliefs are closely tied to thoughts. A belief is a thought accepted as true even though there is no empirical evidence to support it. The basis of most beliefs is formed during childhood and is heavily influenced by parents and caregivers. In childhood the brain is not developed sufficiently to challenge or evaluate the statements made by adults. For the most part, those statements were accepted unquestioningly. Sometimes the information and interpretation of what was heard was accurate and sometimes it was partly or completely erroneous. Some beliefs from childhood resulted from thoughts formulated to get through a situation. Either way, the accepted belief whether true, partly true, or completely false influences feelings about self and environment and needs to be challenged and reframed if needed. This is a large part of the work of therapies like cognitive behavior therapy, rational emotive therapy, and dialectical behavior therapy.  Each of those therapies has a common construct that thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are interrelated. So, while feelings can be evoked by thoughts and memories through the release of neurochemicals and hormones and experienced as sadness, happiness, anger, disgust, worry, etc., those feelings are usually short lived unless extended by feeding them unhelpful thoughts.

Tools to Manage Feelings

Most people are aware moods and feelings can be influenced by exercises such as walking, running, and working out which increase endorphins and help elevate mood. Other techniques found helpful towards managing uncomfortable moods and feeling-states are distraction with music, play or creative hobbies, and comfort foods such as chocolate. Feelings and mood also can be influenced by talking with someone about what is happening, journaling about them, or by keeping a gratitude journal to help put the thoughts or situation into perspective and see it in context and perhaps from a different viewpoint. Pleasurable activities initiate a release of “feel good” neurochemicals such as dopamine. Unhealthy coping behaviors sometimes used for distraction and relief are alcohol, recreational and illicit drugs, and some types of behavior such as gambling and sex. These behaviors may also stimulate release of dopamine and provide a temporary state of pleasure. Unacknowledged and minimized or denied, feelings may intensify. By accepting feelings do not last forever it becomes permissible to experience the full scope of feelings without judgment or self-criticism which can reduce stress.

Summary

Stressful events are part of everyday life but they do not have to become the focus of one’s existence. There are effective, natural, nonpharmaceutical means by which daily stresses can be managed. Those tools involve breathing, muscle relaxation, and changing the nature of thoughts about self and the world through challenging personal perceptions and beliefs for accuracy.

References

American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Stress effects on the body. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/stress-body.aspx

Anda, R. (n.d.). The health and social impact of growing up with adverse childhood experiences: The human economic costs of the status quo. Retrieved from  file:///C:/Users/user/Downloads/Review_of_ACE_Study_with_references_summary_table_2_.pdf

Fulda, S., Gorman, A. M., Hori, O., & Samali, A. (2010). Cellular stress responses: Cell survival and cell death. International Journal of Cell Biology, 2010, 214074. http://doi.org/10.1155/2010/214074

Ramanujan, K. (2013, January 9).  Study shows stressed-out cells halt protein synthesis. Retrieved from http://phys.org/news/2013-01-stressed-out-cells-halt-protein-synthesis.html

 Sadowski, R. N., Jackson, G. R., Wieczorek, L. A., & Gold, P. E. (2009). Effects of stress, corticosterone, and epinephrine administration on learning in place and response tasks. Behavioural Brain Research, 205(1), 19–25. http://doi.org/10.1016/j.bbr.2009.06.027

 WebMD. (n.d.). The effects of stress on your body: How does stress affect health? Retrieved from http://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/effects-of-stress-on-your-body

Every athlete hates losing especially on the largest stage in sports, the NFL Super Bowl. Cam Newton, quarterback for the Carolina Panthers, set the record straight and he defends behaving like a ‘sore loser’ following the Panthers 24-10 loss to the Denver Broncos.

During his post-game press conference Newton gave brief one to two word answers. He kept his hoodie over his head and appeared to be put out by the questions coming from the media. He then abruptly left the podium creating a storm of criticism about this conduct.

Expectations on Self and from Others Building Pressure

Newton took home the league’s Most Valuable Player of the year award the night before the big game. Pressure from nearly all sides fell on Newton. He entered the game with the momentum, Vegas odds on his side, only one loss, the city of Charlotte highly hopeful, and anticipation from Panther’s owner and team who had been to the big show before and lost.

His short and pouty responses after the game did not fit the expectations of a leader and an MVP award winning professional. Nonetheless, the 26-year-old Newton continues to uphold his actions and believes the situation was blown out of proportion. He indicates he would not have changed a thing about his responses revealing his feelings were obviously raw and he did not want to talk to the media. “When you invest so much time and sacrifice so much and things don’t go as planned, I think emotions take over,” Newton said. “I think that is what happens” (Associated Press, 2016).

Head Coach Ron Rivera who took home the NFL Coach of Year award backs Newton’s choices. “He hates to lose, that’s the bottom line. That is what you love in him,” Rivera said. “I would much rather have a guy who hates to lose than a guy who accepts it. The guy who accepts it, you might as well just push him out of your locker room because you don’t want him around” (Associated Press, 2016).

Perhaps, Newton takes losing more personal than most as a result of the expectations of himself and the expectations from others to perform.

In the past, the first round draft pick took hits from the media early on in his career for sulking off to the side by himself during games. In previous defeats, reports indicate the QB sat with his uniform still on troubled and upset for more than 30 minutes after the conclusion of a game. At times, Newton also let the media wait more than an hour before showing up for his job required duty to address the media (Associated Press, 2016).

Failure Reveals Character

Perhaps Newton can take a few pointers from his counterpart. Just a year ago, 27-year-old Russell Wilson, quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks threw an interception at the goal line in the last few seconds of the game. A costly mistake he took the blame for in his post Super Bowl interview. “I put the blame on me, I’m the one who threw it. It’s something you learn from and grow from,” he said (Wilson, 2015).

Unlike Newton, Wilson engaged the media after losing, answered their questions in complete sentences, and did not appear to be distraught nor a ‘sore loser’.  The young leader displayed a professional attitude and what sportsmanship looks at every level.

Just two days after losing Super Bowl 49, Wilson, in fact, was back in the hospital visiting sick kids. He said his recent big stage debacle did not matter to those fighting for their life. “I think that to be able to try to find a way to change people’s lives and to be there for them and give them a boost is really important to me. They don’t realize how much they’ve affected me” (Dicker, 2015).

Taking the focus off self and putting it on the opportunity to give back to others is a hard sell after losing such an important game. The contrast between failure with opportunity jerks common sense and traditional thinking out the window. But that is exactly the difference between an athlete of character and a sore loser.

Character Takes Ownership of Mistakes

Wilson exhibited this paramount rule in team sports as the leader of his team. The 12^th pick in the 3^rd round of the 2012 NFL draft, Wilson owned the mistake that cost the team a Super Bowl victory. He gave credit to his teammates for what they did right and the effort and determination they gave.

Contrary, when the defeat is excused or blamed on others, then it is much harder to improve and change. By acknowledging what went wrong, it actually clears the mind, calms the negative emotions, and produces a more coachable attitude towards advancement.

Olympic gold medalist swimmer, Summer Sanders failed to make the 1988 Olympic team by .027 of a second. During an interview with the Positive Coaching Alliance (PCA), a non-profit organization dedicated to using the vehicle of sports to teach life lessons, Sanders recalled being in the lead and then ‘freaking out’ and losing her mental focus to the finish.

She told PCA she spent the next four years using her failure and learning from it. She testified the education from her breakdown was the most important thing she did in swimming and in her career not winning the gold medal, “If you can’t take an experience on the field, on the court, or in the pool and learn from it and be better next time, then you are missing a huge gift that sport’s gives you. I use that in my daily life every single day.” (Sanders, 2011).

In their recent book, Whatever the Cost, former Major League Baseball players David and Jason Benham note success is not a destination – it’s the journey. Throughout the book, the brothers describe multiple failures, injuries, and difficulties as athletes. They boiled down their disappointments as lessons in identity. “We learned that if you are defined by what you do, then your success or failure at what you do will dictate your self-worth. If you fail, then in your mind you’re a failure. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. It’s impossible to die to a dream when it defines you” (Benham & Lamb, 2015)

No One is Immune to Failure

Sometimes the darker the situation, the brighter the opportunity. Author and speaker Steven Furtick in his book Sun Stand Still writes extensively about dreams that do not come true. He suggests reputation is demonstrated by working through adversity rarely in the removal of the challenge, “we must see past the danger and embrace the opportunity in our crisis. (Furtick, 2010).

The fact remains, everyone, including athletes, experiences failure. Adversity of loss is inevitable. The challenge to comeback from failure presents a common experience by all humans. Cam Newton has been handed a tremendous gift in this loss. As the NFL’s MVP, time will tell of what he makes of this valuable opportunity.

References

Associated Press. (2016, February 9). Cam Newton Defends Postgame Behavior at the Super Bowl. Retrieved from New YorkTimes: http://www.nytimes.com/2016/02/10/sports/football/cam-newton-defends-postgame-behavior-at-super-bowl.html?_r=0
 
Benham, D. &., & Lamb, S. (2015). Whatever the Cost. Nashville: W Publishing Group.
 
Dicker, R. (2015, February 6). Russell Wilson went right back to visiting sick kids after Super Bowl loss. Retrieved from Huffington Post: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2015/02/05/russell-wilson-childrens-hospital_n_6621804.html
 
Furtick, S. (2010). Sun Stand Still. Colorado Springs: Multnomah Books.
 
Sanders, S. (2011). Learning from Mistakes. (P. C. Alliance, Interviewer)
 
Wilson, R. (2015, February 1). Russell Wilson takes the blame for Super Bowl 49 loss to the Patriots. (T. P. Game, Interviewer)

Drug abuse has haunted society for years. From dealing with alcohol to cocaine, from marijuana to LSD, the war on drugs continues. A drug that is becoming more and more popular is methamphetamine. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (2013) methamphetamine use cost @23.4 billion dollars in 2005. Family, friends, love ones, and society has been impacted by use of meth. There is a high correlation between domestic abuse and substance use. No one is sheltered from the substance. Celebrities are not sheltered either as recently child star Orlando Brown from ‘That’s So Raven” was arrested for many charges including possession of meth along with domestic violence.

Trump. Sanders. Clinton. Cruz. The fervor and fright around these presidential hopefuls is rapidly intensifying as the nation approaches Republican and Democratic conventions this Summer. Divisive topics are often discouraged in polite dialogue due to the relational conflict they may promote, as noted by the old adage, “Never talk about politics or religion at the dinner table.” However, new research sheds light on the importance of engaging in adaptive relationships with individuals who may diversify perspectives within families or communities. 

“Simply interacting with individuals who are different forces group members to prepare better, to anticipate alternative viewpoints and to expect that reaching consensus will take effort,” writes Katherine Philips, dean at Columbia University in Scientific American (How Diversity Makes Us Smarter, 2013). In 2013, Denise Lewin Loyd of the University of Illinois, Cynthia Wang of Oklahoma State University, and Robert B. Lount, Jr., of Ohio State University divided nearly 200 students who identified as Democrats and Republicans into groups that were equally spit between individuals from their own political party and the alternative party. Students were then asked to solve a fictional murder mystery and write a convincing essay communicating their perspective to another group member. Students were told that their partner currently disagreed with their opinion on the murderer, but were tasked to convince their partner to ultimately agree with their perspective. Half of the students in the study were told that their partner shared their political beliefs, and the other half were told that their partner had opposing political beliefs. 

The outcome of this landmark study was that Republicans who were informed that a fellow Republican disagreed with them prepared more poorly for the discussion than Republicans who were told that a Democrat disagreed with them. The same pattern was present for Democrats. “When disagreement comes from a socially different person, we are prompted to work harder. Diversity jolts us into cognitive action in ways that homogeneity simply does not,” writes Philips. 

The finding that political diversity improves a group’s performance is reminiscent of similar studies regarding racial diversity within groups. In 2006, Margaret Neale from Stanford University and Gregory Northcraft of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign explored the impact of racial diversity on small decision-making groups in which sharing information was a necessity for success. Half of the study’s groups were racially homogenous, and half were racially diverse. Just like the 2013 politically diverse study by Loyd, Wang, and Lount, Neale and Northcraft discovered that the groups with racial diversity significantly outperformed the groups with no racial diversity. 

These studies suggest that when individuals believe that they are surrounded by other individuals who have similar beliefs or backgrounds, they inadvertently perceive that the group all holds the same information and perspectives. Ultimately, this assumption hinders group creativity, innovation, and problem-solving abilities. 

Does this body of research indicate that political arguments should be promoted at family dinner tables across America? Not necessarily.  Many individuals may agree that political disagreements in a group can cause discomfort, a lack of trust, interpersonal conflict, less cohesion, and more concern about disrespect, among other challenges. In addition to relational strain, a series of new research suggests that political disagreements may also simply be ineffective at changing minds. A 2010 study by Brendan Nyhan from the University of Michigan hold a warning for those who may now be eager to debate the latest political scandal, policy, or inflammatory speech. According to Nyhan, a phenomenon called “backfire” causes individuals to adhere to their original beliefs more ardently when presented with contradictory facts ("When Corrections Fail: The Persistence of Political Misperceptions", 2013).

These studies suggests that humans are hard-wired to avoid the mental stress of cognitive dissonance, and thus adopt a defense mechanism that confirms previously held beliefs – even when they are disproved. “It's threatening to us to admit that things we believe are wrong. And all of us, liberals and conservatives have some beliefs that aren't true, and when we find that out, it's threatening to our beliefs and ourselves,” reflected Nyhan on National Public Radio’s Talk of the Nation.

How does one proceed if researchers assert that political diversity is essential to the helping groups optimally solve problems, but also indicates that political arguments are likely to leave individuals more deeply ingrained in previously-held belief systems? The research noted in this article convincingly asserts that individuals may be hindered in their intellect when they associate only with those who they perceive as holding similar beliefs. And yet, the benefits of political diversity were not observed in direct discussions about politics, but rather in non-political discussion. In fact, the backfire phenomenon suggests that intellect may be damaged by political debates with opposing individuals. Perhaps one actionable conclusion to consider is building and maintaining close relationships with politically diverse groups of people, while not necessarily fixating on convincing one another to adopt certain political beliefs.

Do we need to start talking about politics at the dinner table?  It seems that sharing multi-faceted personal narratives may be more effective than debating political facts.

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References

In Politics, Sometimes The Facts Don't Matter. (n.d.). Retrieved April 01, 2016, from http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=128490874 

Lloyd, D., Wang, C. S., Phillips, K. W., & Lount, R. B. (2012). Social Category Diversity Promotes Pre-Meeting Elaboration: The Role of Relationship Focus. Organizational Science. 

Phillips, K. W. (2014, October 1). How Diversity Makes Us Smarter. Scientific American.

When Corrections Fail: The Persistence of Political Misconceptions. Retrieved April 1, 2016, fromhttp://www.dartmouth.edu/~nyhan/nyhan-reifler.pdf

In the news…

On March 28, 2016, (Khan, 2016) Noraidah Mohd Yussof pleaded guilty to two counts of assaults which lead to serious injuries and death to her son. This is not Noraidah Mohd Yussof's first time involved in the legal system due to injury of a child. In March of 2012, (Khan, 2016) Noraidah Mohd Yussof became angry when her son was unable to recite the alphabets. She was so angry that she pushed him, stepped on his ribs, and twisted and pulled his hands. Days later she took him to the hospital where he was diagnosis with having fractures to his elbow and his ribs. The son was removed from the home and placed with family members due to the intervention of The Ministry of Family and Social Development.

In August 2015, (Khan, 2016) Noraidah Mohd Yussof picked up her son from school and after lunch asked him to recite his numbers in English and Malay where he recited them incorrectly from 11 to 18. She pushed him resulting in him hitting his head. He attempted to recite them again correctly and failed, resulted in her pushing him and stepping on him. A third attempt, he got them wrong, resulted in her choking and pushing him against the wall where he passed out. She lied to her family members that she found him in the bathroom unresponsive. The child underwent emergency surgery where he died four days later; he was only 4 years old.

Parenting at Risk

Parenting at Risk is a term that identifies a person who has a child who is in risk of faulty parenting due to parental depression, poverty, adolescent motherhood, parental substance and alcohol abuse, and maltreating parents (Teti & Cole, 2011).  Studies have been conducted where “emotionally positive parents are happier, more socially competent, and have lower rates of behavior problems than do children of parents with low levels of expressed positive and/or high level of negative emotion, and that such linkages transcend race, ethnicity, and socioeconomic status (Teti & Cole, 2011, p. 627). However there have not been many studies conducted on parent’s emotions in action of parenting referred to as “parenting in the moment (Teti & Cole, 2011, p. 628).”

Child Oriented vs. Parent Oriented

A parent may have very good self-regulation of their emotions, generally speaking. However, when a child engages in behavior and the parent is engaged with that child (parenting in the moment) that parent may not be as competent in self-regulating their emotions as previously stated. The reason is based on the parent’s orientation. Is the parent, child-oriented or parent-oriented?

Child-Oriented (Teti & Cole, 2011) is when the parent’s concern is that of the child and the behavior of the child is innocent. Parent-Oriented (Teti & Cole, 2011) is when the parent’s concern is of themselves, the parent, and the child’s behavior is more looked at as intentionally disrespect or disobeying the parent. An example is that a parent walks into the kitchen, and their child spilled a gallon on milk all over the floor. The child-orientated parent looks at that situation as the child not having the skill to manage the heavy gallon and milk, and clean up begins. The parent-oriented parent looks at the situation as the child deliberately dropped the gallon of milk to mess up the floor the parent spent a good amount of time cleaning yesterday.  This parent may be more incline to use physical punishment verses discipline with the child.

In the case with Noraidah Mohd Yussof, her child’s behavior when unable to recite his alphabets and numbers in English and Malay correctly from a child-oriented concern,  it may have resulted in her assisting him in developing that memorization skill or learning new strategies to recite the numbers correctly. By her looking at the child’s behavior from a parent-oriented concern, the child intentionally failed to recite them correctly and wasted her time that she spent with him learning them correctly.  From a parent-oriented concern, the child is to be punished. The degree to which Noraidah Mohd Yussof used punishment as a reinforcement to learn was inappropriate, maladaptive, and abusive. It is very healthy for a parent to be aware that they are unable to control their emotions while parenting and seek assistance to develop better parenting skills.

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References

Khan, S. (2016) Woman kills four-year-old sonby choking and stomping on him.  Yahoo news. Retrieved from https://www.yahoo.com/news/mum-pleaded-guilty-to-causing-grievous-hurt-082106137.html?partner=CHEETAH.

Mence, M., Hawes, D.J., Wedgewood, L. Morgan, S., Barnett, B., & Kohloff, J. (2011). Emotional flooding and hostile discipline in the families of toddlers with disruptive behavior problems. Journal of Family Psychology, Vol. 28 (1), 12 – 21.

Teti, D. M. & Cole, P.M. (2011). Parenting at risk: New perspectives, new approaches. Journal of Family Psychology. Vol. 25. (5), Oct, 2011 pp. 625-634.

There are many types of abuse and all are difficult to endure. Physical, sexual, emotional, financial and verbal cruelties are among the various forms of mistreatment that our society faces daily.  Another type of brutality that is widespread and difficult to address is domestic abuse. Domestic violence has been a concern in our society for decades. It is an epidemic and affects individuals in every community regardless of sex, socio-economic status, religion or race. The devastating effects of domestic violence can last a lifetime and be a repeated cycle for generations. Domestic violence can result in broken families, physical injury, and psychological trauma and in severe cases even death. Often times when evaluating a situation that resulted in domestic violence, observers often attribute the violence to uncontrollable anger. However, many studies suggest that domestic abuse is not the result of anger but instead a strategy to maintain power in a relationship.

Anger

Anger is an emotion depicted by resentment, bitterness, and/or hatred toward someone or something that we may feel has harmed us or done us wrong. Though anger can be an intense feeling that is difficult to manage, it can be a positive force. It can forge an outlet to communicate negative feelings and engage in conflict resolution to solve problems. Conversely, excessive anger can have potential negative effects that can include health problems. Excessive anger has been linked to high blood pressure and heart problems as well as familial and community deterioration. Holding back and/or stuffing anger can eventually lead to an unexpected explosion. Often times, people particularly men don’t realize when they are angry and suddenly become overwhelmed with the intensity of the emotional reaction to the situation. The body feels angry before the mind realizes it’s angry and what it is angry about. When we don’t express our feelings we take a chance of becoming a walking “time bomb” waiting to explode. Therefore, controlling and expressing anger in a healthy manner is encouraged. The first step to controlling anger is to recognize when we are feeling low levels of angry. Recognizing anger when it’s in the early stages affords us the opportunity to manage it while it’s containable. Identifying our personal body signals (chest pains, headaches, tension in various body parts, dizziness) when angry is important in managing the emotions early on then we are more likely to express ourselves effectively.

What’s the Difference?

In comparing domestic violence/abuse and anger, there are several key differences. As mentioned previously, it is argued that domestic violence is the result of the need to control and gain power in a relationship versus uncontrollable anger. The feelings of being entitled to power may be a driving factor for a person to disregard the feelings of their partner. Often, the underlying drive for power can include feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment and guilt.

A person with anger management problems often are struggling with a distorted thinking process and demonstrate skill deficits. When confronted with their behavior, this individual is likely to accept responsibility for his actions and accept the consequences that follow. While an abusive person also struggles with an inaccurate thinking process and exhibit a lack of prosocial skills, an abuser often externalizes their anger. They blame others or their circumstances for their behaviors. Further, many abusers don’t visualize their victims as people but instead as property or sexual objects.

Another difference between the two is that anger can be expressed towards anyone or anything (i.e. God, others, situations, unmet needs) whereas domestic violence generally occurs within an intimate relationship. Further, anger can be expressed in a positive healthy manner via coping skills assertiveness, problem solving and conflict resolution. Anger only becomes a problem when it occurs too frequently, too intensely, lasts too long and disturbs work or relationships. Contrastingly, domestic violence is always a problem. It’s never useful or healthy. It harms both the victim and the perpetrator.

Treatment

Both the person who engages in domestic violence and the individual struggling with anger management should seek therapeutic assistance. There are some differences between treatments but there are useful techniques that are applicable for both parties.  Domestic violence/abuse programs tend to focus on the power/control philosophy, accepting consequences and responsibility and changing behaviors. Anger management often centralizes on developing methods to communicate anger in a healthy manner. In addition to those techniques, both parties can benefit from learning empathy, identifying triggers, developing a plan, use of coping skills and calming techniques, and dismantling the distorted thinking process that occurs during the episodes.

References:

Curtis, C (2016) Anger and violence a change in thinking retrieved April 4, 2016

Hoy, L (2009) Anger Management and Domestic Abuse retrieved April 15, 2016

Hoy, L (2007) Is it Anger of Abuse? Retrieved April 15, 2016

NVADC What is domestic violence? Retrieved April 15, 2016

American Psychological Association (2016) Anger. Retrieve April 15, 2015

In a few short years, how does a young man go from one the brightest futures in professional sports to potentially losing nearly everything?

Johnny Manziel, the 2012 Heisman Trophy winner, has been accused of ‘extensive damage’ during some festivities he hosted in a posh Los Angeles rental home in early April. According a letter written by Niki Ghazian, attorney for the property owner, Manziel along with his friends left evidence of alcohol and drug use. The homeowner is now asking for $31,580 including $19,580 in damage and replacement fees(ESPN News Services, 2016).   

This latest incident of poor behavior for the former Cleveland Browns Quarterback resulted in his second off-season agent, Drew Rosenhaus, terminating his contract unless he immediately seeks help(ESPN, 2016). Rosenhaus has never fired a player during his 27-year career as an NFL agent but he believes Manziel must set his football career aside for now, "This is a life-or-death situation. I'm not talking about football anymore. I'm talking about a young man who is in trouble. And at the end of the day, I have a responsibility. I'm not going to see him go down in flames with me as his agent” (ESPN, 2016).

Manziel, a first round pick in the 2014 NFL Draft, spent two seasons with the Browns but was more known for his struggles and antics off the field. He spent 10 weeks in rehab during his rookie season.

He currently is under both a grand jury and NFL investigation as to whether he assaulted his former girlfriend and violated the NFL personal conduct policy in the incident.

Self-sabotaging Choices and Beliefs

For several years, Manziel has bled the line between high performance and a high price for his choices. Since the loss of his job with the Browns, he has looked captive by automatic choices in action that lead to a path of destruction.

His conduct seems to suggest he wants to ruin his NFL career. Along with this recent episode of allegedly damaging the LA rental home, the Texas A&M standout has been seen in strip clubs and chugging from bottles in nightclubs in Las Vegas, Miami, and Los Angeles.

Following his initial effort to get help, Manziel brought in his high school offensive coordinator, 55-year-old Julius Scott, to live with him as a life coach of sorts (Kaplan, 2016). Scott’s services were short-lived, however, and Manziel dismissed him at the end of the summer prior to the start of the 2015 NFL season.

Public actions reveal a lot about the athlete but the private intentions of Manziel reveal more. He recently told TMZ he does not see anything wrong with ‘partying’ indicating there is a ‘difference between partying and being out of control (ESPN, 2016). Multiple interviews with former coaches, teammates, and friends paint a picture of a lack of discipline and commitment, a lack of listening, and a culture of enabling and affluence (Kaplan, 2016).

Disease or Voluntary Bondage?

While it is not clear if Manziel has an addiction, he exemplifies a man volunteering to a lifestyle that is costing him dearly both personally and professionally. While normal human desires, his lust for freedom and pleasure are at levels which have enslaved him at some level.

The precise definition of a disease remains a diagnosable condition with a known physical origin. Addictions do not fit this definition and even the popular Alcoholics Anonymous states ‘alcoholism is largely a spiritual disease requiring a spiritual healing’ (Alcoholics Anonymous, 1970).

Science does indicate some physiological pre-dispositions towards addiction when compared to people who do not battle addiction. Nonetheless, addiction appears more a result from the extensive use of the substance and from the influence around the addict.

The extensive use of the substance creates a physical response to the drug. Tolerance develops which means a need for more and more of the substance to obtain the same effect. Extensive use also produces withdrawal symptoms when ceasing use of the drug; therefore, it generates a perceived need for the drug or similar drug to avoid such symptoms.

The influence around a substance habit centers around the power and persuasion of a peer culture, socio-economic status, parenting, and the solidification or not of morals and values (Welch, 2001). Other people around Manziel and his cultural norm can pull and persuade him towards negative choices such as chemical over-indulgence and weak selections in behavior.

Motives Dig Deeper Than Biology and Influence

Beyond the surface of behavior lie intangible motives. These desires often act as a conduit towards misuse of substances generating thoughts and behavior standard in addiction. The problem, however, is not with the substance itself or the biology or influence towards use. Rather, the problem rests with the motive of the heart (Welch, 2003).

Whether it is alcohol, drugs, sex, shopping, or food, the pattern of behavior seems unavoidable and automatic. Often, asking ‘why did you do that?’ is met with ‘I don’t know’ and the belief it is not controllable.

When examining the case of Johnny Manziel, his behavior appears chosen to satisfy deeper motives. Substance use give temporary satisfaction to drives such as comfort, pleasure, power, freedom from pain, revenge, autonomy, happiness, respect, admiration, significance, and reputation (Welch, 2003).

The Bottle or His Career?

Manziel’s battle with poor choices may be partly due to the influence of athletic, family, peer, and the American environment where power, wealth, and superior ability are idolized. His battle may be partly due to physical predisposition further enhanced by his heavy use of alcohol.

Those closest to him, including his parents, are now publicly pleading for him to get help. His trajectory in the NFL is in question. And, his life may very well be hanging in the balance. One decision could cost him more than his job.

This is an avoidable destiny. He can choose to stop. He needs to believe that.

References

Alcoholics Anonymous. (1970). A Member's Eye View of Alcoholics Anonymous. New York: Alcoholics Anonymous World Services.

DiNitto, M. (2016, April 17). Von Miller says Johnny Manziel has been abandoned, wants to help. Retrieved from Sporting News: http://www.sportingnews.com/nfl-news/4702308-johnny-manziel-von-miller-support-roommates-texas-am

ESPN. (2016, April 15). Drew Rosenhaus terminates contract with Johnny Manziel, will reconsider if QB gets treatment. Retrieved from ESPN: http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/15198881/agent-drew-rosenhaus-terminates-contract-johnny-manziel-reconsider-qb-gets-treatment

ESPN News Services. (2016, April 16). Johnny Manziel accused on nearly $20K in damage to rental home. Retrieved from ESPN: http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/15209661/johnny-manziel-accused-causing-nearly-20k-damage-los-angeles-rental-home

Kaplan, E. (2016, March 15). The Fall of Johnny Football. Retrieved from Sports Illustrated: http://mmqb.si.com/mmqb/2016/03/15/johnny-manziel-nfl-cleveland-browns

Mayo Clinic. (2014, December 5). Diseases and Conditions: Drug Addiction. Retrieved from MayoClinic: http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/drug-addiction/basics/tests-diagnosis/con-20020970

Welch, E. (2001). Addictions: New Ways of Seeing, New Ways of Walking Free. Journal of Biblical Counseling, 19-30.

Welch, E. (2003). Motives: Why Do I Do the Things I Do? Journal of Biblical Counseling, 48-56.

History of Mother’s Day

The city of Philadelphia. Philadelphia is the largest city in Pennsylvania. A person may ask the question, “What’s so special about Philadelphia?” Movie buffs may quickly hum or sing a particular movie’s theme song or recite a slogan, “Yo Adrian,” or described the famous running scene from the movie Rocky. Hip Hop enthusiast know it’s the home of the first hip hop group to win a Grammy, which is DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince. Patriotism know it’s the home of the Liberty Bell along with the Independence Hall where The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States were signed. However, many may not know, except Historians, it’s the home of Anna Jarvis the woman who began a tradition which has come to be known as Mother’s Day.

May 12, 1907 (Encyclopedia Britannica, 2014) is the origin date given where Anna Jarvis held a memorial services for her late mother. In 1914 it became a national holiday by President Woodrow Wilson. Traditionally, a white carnation was attribute to one’s mother. Over the years a red or pink carnation is used to represent a living mother, while a white carnation identifies a mother that is deceased. In addition, over the years, Mother’s day included paying tribute to aunts and grandmothers or any maternal figure.

In the year 2016, Mother’s Day falls on Sunday, May 8. Mother’s Day is a day that is observed in the United States and other countries. It is a day that is special for the work and contribution that mothers do. The majority is unaware of what a mother has to sacrifice or go through for the sake of their child. Which brings up the argument of birth mothers and adopted mothers. Do birth mothers, who gave their child up for adopted, worthy of recognition of Mother’s Day? Do adopted mothers, who took in a child that is not biologically theirs, worthy of recognition of Mother’s Day? Birth mothers who gave up their child and adopted mothers both may experience core issues related to adoption (Timm, Mooradian, & Hock, 2011)  such as loss & grief, entitlement, claiming, family integration, bonding and attachment, identity, and mastery and control.

Loss& Grief

A loss is the process of losing something and grief is a deep sorrow. A birth mother may experience tremendous loss and grief of giving away something that grew inside of her. It is loss that the birth mother will not raise the child in their own home or provide for them. Adopted mothers may experience loss and grief that they are unable to have their own biological child and experience natural motherhood.

Entitlement

Entitlement, is related to having the “right” to certain things. A birth mother no longer have the legal rights to her child because she legally gave those rights them up. However, she still remains the biological mother, which is a right in its own. Adopted mothers at times may struggle with do they have the right to discipline or put the child in certain activities or care for the child in a particular manner since the child is not biologically theirs. 

Claiming/Un-claiming

Claiming, (Timm et al, 2011, p 274) “is the process by which adopted parents accepted the adopted child (ren) as their own, consider them to be full-fledge members of the family, and begin to identify similarities between the child (ren) and themselves, or other family members.” Un-claiming is process by which the birth mother has to consider their child not be full fledged members of another family and for that child to identify themselves with that family.

Family Integration/Separation

Integrating a child into a new family has its struggles. A single adopted mother now has to integration of child into her single life and the arrangement that needs to be made. An establish family, the mother has to integrate a “new child” into the everyday functions of the family. The birth mother goes through separation of what life with the child could have been and how her life would have different.

Bonding& Attachment

Adopted mothers may experience challenges with bonding and attachment of the new child that is not biologically theirs. A child is displaying behavior or likes that are not that them or their significant others. Birth mothers may experience an empty bond. Intellectually know they have a child, however no emotional bond with that child.

Identity

Adopted mothers may struggle with the identity of being a “real” mother because the child is not biologically theirs. Social stigma may play a role in the adopted mothers struggle. Also for the birth mother may struggle with identity of not being a mother because of the fact she gave her child up. Social stigma as well may play a part in what her identify should or should not be.

Mastery& Control

Adopted mother and birth mothers may experience a lack of master and control over the thoughts or emotions that comes from the whole process of giving their child up for adoption or accepting a child from adoption. Many thoughts and emotions may come a one time or little by little, nevertheless, managing one’s self is challenge in its own right.

Summary

Are birth mothers, who gave their child up for adoption, worthy of recognition of Mother’s Day? Are adopted mothers, who took in a child that is not biologically theirs, worthy of recognition of Mother’s Day? The answer is yes. A birth mother who gave her child up for adoption, definitely gets recognition for her role having given birth to a child, unselfishly given up the child, and her own personal experience with core issues of adoption. An adoption mother who decided to take on a mother’s role with a child who biologically is not theirs, a stranger, with outcomes based on genes unknown, along with her own personal core issues challenges, is very worthy of recognition on mothers’ day as well.

References:

Mother’s Day. (2014). Encyclopedia Britannica.  

Timm, T.M., Mooradian, J.K., & Hock, R.M. (2011). Exploring core issues in adoption: Individual and martial experiences of adopted mothers.